Sunday, February 8, 2015

Sentences: Books of the Bible

Genesis: God makes the world, sin enters in, and Abraham's family is chosen to fix everything.

Exodus: God versus Pharaoh for Israel's freedom (God wins). Then wandering the desert.

Leviticus: Rules for everything.

Numbers: Statistics. Also, more wandering.

Deuteronomy: Recent history of wandering according to Moses.

Joshua: Abraham's descendants conquer Canaan, but not completely.

Judges: Everyone does what's right in their own eyes - chaos ensues.

Ruth: A love story based on poverty and shrewd dealing with relatives.

1 Samuel: Israel gets a king... the story of David.

2 Samuel: The story of David continued.

1 Kings: After becoming prosperous, the kingdom sinks into idolatry and is divided in two.

2 Kings: The story of the two kingdoms continued (they both get conquered).

1 Chronicles: The story of David, one more time.

2 Chronicles: The story of the southern kingdom, mostly, one more time.

Ezra: Rebuilding the temple.

Nehemiah: Rebuilding Jerusalem.

Esther: Esther marries the king, and uses her connections to save the Jews and kill her enemies.

Job: Bad things happen to good people.

Psalms: Songs and prayers.

Proverbs: Practical wisdom.

Ecclesiastes: Everything is meaningless. Except for following God.

Song of Songs: Married stuff.

Isaiah: God will restore all things through his servant, the Messiah. Preaches naked.

Jeremiah: Weeping prophet who predicts doom and sees it come to pass.

Lamentations: If your home was conquered and your people enslaved, you'd write emo poetry too.

Ezekiel: A prophet living in exile, calling Israel's people back to God and preaching restoration.

Daniel: Hebrew kid goes into Chaldean re-education program, resists it, and climbs political ranks.

Hosea: Takes a repeatedly unfaithful prostitute as a wife, to illustrate God's relationship with Israel.

Joel: Repent.

Amos: Prophecy of destruction against rich, affluent, satisfied Israel.

Obadiah: Prophecy of destruction upon the people of the Edomites.

Jonah: Called to preach repentance to Ninevah; tries to run, and gets angry when people get saved.

Micah: Woe! Restoration. Denouncing! Hope. Destruction! Love.

Nahum: A century after Jonah, Nahum prophesies destruction against Nineveh.

Habakkuk: Believing, but not understanding, Habakkuk questions God's actions.

Zephaniah: During the reign of righteous Josiah, Zephaniah preaches tough love from God.

Haggai: During the return of the exiles, preaches the importance of rebuilding God's temple.

Zechariah: During exiles' return, preaches the importance of repentance and commitment to God.

Malachi: Rekindles God's people, encourages genuine worship of God, and points to the Messiah.

Matthew: The story of Jesus -the Messiah- for Jewish folks.

Mark: The story of Jesus for Roman folks.

Luke: The story of Jesus for women and poor folks.

John: An expanded, creatively told, inside scoop on the story of Jesus.

Acts: History of the first Jesus-followers, and the conversion of a murderer of Christians.

Romans: A manifesto by Paul, that converted murderer, on salvation by grace through faith.

1 Corinthians: A letter to the worst church ever.

2 Corinthians: The worst church ever is doing much better.

Galatians: A scathing attack on Christian circumcision.

Ephesians: We should all be united together in the truth.

Philippians: Even in prison, Jesus is joy enough for Paul.

Colossians: Life through the awesomeness of Jesus, and not rules and regulations.

1 Thessalonians: Celebration and encouragement for new believers.

2 Thessalonians: A letter regarding the end of everything.

1 Timothy: A church manual written to a young pastor.

2 Timothy: Encouragement to a young pastor from soon-to-be-martyred Paul.

Titus: A church manual written to another young pastor.

Philemon: Paul writes to a runaway slave's Christian owner asking for the slave's release.

Hebrews: Jesus is better than everything in the Old Testament.

James: General wisdom for Christians.

1 Peter: Living as exiles from the world, but as citizens of heaven.

2 Peter: A warning against false prophets and false teachers.

1 John: Marks of true and false Christians.

2 John: Love one another, keep the commandments, watch out for false teachers -- goodbye.

3 John: A tiny letter on church politics. (It's almost as short as this, too.)

Jude: Defend the faith.

Revelation: Either the end of everything, or a different take on current events.

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