Sunday, February 8, 2015
Sentences: Books of the Bible
Exodus: God versus Pharaoh for Israel's freedom (God wins). Then wandering the desert.
Leviticus: Rules for everything.
Numbers: Statistics. Also, more wandering.
Deuteronomy: Recent history of wandering according to Moses.
Joshua: Abraham's descendants conquer Canaan, but not completely.
Judges: Everyone does what's right in their own eyes - chaos ensues.
Ruth: A love story based on poverty and shrewd dealing with relatives.
1 Samuel: Israel gets a king... the story of David.
2 Samuel: The story of David continued.
1 Kings: After becoming prosperous, the kingdom sinks into idolatry and is divided in two.
2 Kings: The story of the two kingdoms continued (they both get conquered).
1 Chronicles: The story of David, one more time.
2 Chronicles: The story of the southern kingdom, mostly, one more time.
Ezra: Rebuilding the temple.
Nehemiah: Rebuilding Jerusalem.
Esther: Esther marries the king, and uses her connections to save the Jews and kill her enemies.
Job: Bad things happen to good people.
Psalms: Songs and prayers.
Proverbs: Practical wisdom.
Ecclesiastes: Everything is meaningless. Except for following God.
Song of Songs: Married stuff.
Isaiah: God will restore all things through his servant, the Messiah. Preaches naked.
Jeremiah: Weeping prophet who predicts doom and sees it come to pass.
Lamentations: If your home was conquered and your people enslaved, you'd write emo poetry too.
Ezekiel: A prophet living in exile, calling Israel's people back to God and preaching restoration.
Daniel: Hebrew kid goes into Chaldean re-education program, resists it, and climbs political ranks.
Hosea: Takes a repeatedly unfaithful prostitute as a wife, to illustrate God's relationship with Israel.
Amos: Prophecy of destruction against rich, affluent, satisfied Israel.
Obadiah: Prophecy of destruction upon the people of the Edomites.
Jonah: Called to preach repentance to Ninevah; tries to run, and gets angry when people get saved.
Micah: Woe! Restoration. Denouncing! Hope. Destruction! Love.
Nahum: A century after Jonah, Nahum prophesies destruction against Nineveh.
Habakkuk: Believing, but not understanding, Habakkuk questions God's actions.
Zephaniah: During the reign of righteous Josiah, Zephaniah preaches tough love from God.
Haggai: During the return of the exiles, preaches the importance of rebuilding God's temple.
Zechariah: During exiles' return, preaches the importance of repentance and commitment to God.
Malachi: Rekindles God's people, encourages genuine worship of God, and points to the Messiah.
Matthew: The story of Jesus -the Messiah- for Jewish folks.
Mark: The story of Jesus for Roman folks.
Luke: The story of Jesus for women and poor folks.
John: An expanded, creatively told, inside scoop on the story of Jesus.
Acts: History of the first Jesus-followers, and the conversion of a murderer of Christians.
Romans: A manifesto by Paul, that converted murderer, on salvation by grace through faith.
1 Corinthians: A letter to the worst church ever.
2 Corinthians: The worst church ever is doing much better.
Galatians: A scathing attack on Christian circumcision.
Ephesians: We should all be united together in the truth.
Philippians: Even in prison, Jesus is joy enough for Paul.
Colossians: Life through the awesomeness of Jesus, and not rules and regulations.
1 Thessalonians: Celebration and encouragement for new believers.
2 Thessalonians: A letter regarding the end of everything.
1 Timothy: A church manual written to a young pastor.
2 Timothy: Encouragement to a young pastor from soon-to-be-martyred Paul.
Titus: A church manual written to another young pastor.
Philemon: Paul writes to a runaway slave's Christian owner asking for the slave's release.
Hebrews: Jesus is better than everything in the Old Testament.
James: General wisdom for Christians.
1 Peter: Living as exiles from the world, but as citizens of heaven.
2 Peter: A warning against false prophets and false teachers.
1 John: Marks of true and false Christians.
2 John: Love one another, keep the commandments, watch out for false teachers -- goodbye.
3 John: A tiny letter on church politics. (It's almost as short as this, too.)
Jude: Defend the faith.
Revelation: Either the end of everything, or a different take on current events.